This month is a time when many children will be participating in dance recitals and musical concerts.  I recently attended the band concert for my son who plays the saxophone.  There was a full compliment of strings, woodwinds, and percussion instruments at the performance.  Earlier in the month I attended a school district art show and I was amazed at the creativity displayed by the students.  It was clear that the young people had devoted a great deal of time and effort to develop their skills.

Even more impressive to me was the number of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other supportive adults who were present for these events.  It may be difficult to find the time in a hectic work schedule with so many commitments and attend these events.  But it is important to be there when your child has a chance to display these talents.  Your presence makes it clear that the hard work, dedication, and perseverance required to develop the talent is valuable in your eyes.  When a youngster knows that a parent or caring adult values his or her skills and talents, he or she will continue to pursue the skill and continue to put in the hard work.

We all want our children to work hard and do their best.  Even if they are not the top performer, we want them to learn that hard work and developing skills are valuable in their own right.

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    Parents frequently ask me how they should respond to this question when it is asked by their son or daughter.  The first thing is that it is good to be honest with your teens when this question comes up.  If you're not honest, at some point the grandparents or aunts or uncles will tell them the truth! 
    After you answer the question with an honest yes or no then you can seize the opportunity for a meaningful discussion with you child.  This is the time for you to explain how you decided whether or not to drink when you were a teen.  Our children are curious about whether we drank, but what they really want to know is what is was like for us when we were kids.  They want to know that we struggled with our decisions just like they are struggling.  And believe me, they only ask the question because they are struggling with their own decision.
    If you did drink, be sure to explain the negative consequences that occurred when you drank as a teen.  You don't have to go into graphic details, but be sure to make the point that it was the wrong decision to drink as a teen.  And don't just focus on the fact that you were grounded for a month and that you had to "do your time."  Discuss the hangovers, or the arguments with family and friends, or the physical fights, or the vomiting, etc.  Admit that you made a mistake.
    If you chose not to drink, explain that it was a difficult decision.  Explain that you had friends who did drink and comment on the fact that it was hard to not go along with the crowd. Also explain that you were able to maintain friendships even though you didn't drink alcohol with your friends.  Be sure to mention that you were proud of your decision.   Let them know about the negative consequences faced by your friends who did drink that you were able to avoid.  You can also point out to your that making a decision that is good for them is not always easy in the moment, but it is something they can be proud of for themselves. 
    Finish up the conversation by saying directly, "I know you'll have some difficult decisions to make while you're a teenager and even when you're an adult.  I can't make the decisions for you, but I will always talk to you about them and I am confident that you will make decisions that are the best for you."